that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
