Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
