She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I could fuck to npr.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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