So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
