If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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