matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
