We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
