Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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