It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
