The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
its liver damage thursday
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize