Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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