Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
