At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
