We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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