I seem to have left my pride at pride
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
