This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
