help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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