Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
