my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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