I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
