just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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