No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
