he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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