you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
