We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
