Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
