we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
