Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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