I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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