i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
