before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
