you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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