as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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