if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize