She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
