All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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