I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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