He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize