I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
