i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
