I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
