Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
