I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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