hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
