If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
