new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
