I got chris browned last night
so explain again why im purple
no
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
