too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Text me some of your sweat
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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