I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
