Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
