I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
