it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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