I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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