Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Randomize
