great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
