a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
