I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
