all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
