I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
