Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
