Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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