so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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