It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
