we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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