I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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