sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I'm always down for nudity.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
