note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
