Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
So vagazzling was a success
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
