You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
My nipple is on Facebook.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
