Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
