I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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