If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize