dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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