i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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