if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
