Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
