there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
