I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
