did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
